Roommates - Making it Work

New Experiences

You must bring an open mind and an appreciation for differences to your new living situation. Your roommate may, for instance, like a different kind of music, wear a different style of clothing, or be from another country. Students at Lafayette are encouraged to look upon each other as educational resources and partners in learning - in the residence hall, in the classroom, in the dining rooms, or wherever students gather.

Expectations

The expectations you bring to the roommate situation may determine the course of the relationship. What do you hope to gain from your roommate affiliation? Do you plan to become close friends, or have a casual, businesslike relationship? What compromises are you willing to make in terms of living habits? You should discuss your expectations with your roommate. Staff members in the Office of Residence Life also have expectations for roommates. We expect roommates to communicate with each other, to respect each other, and to be motivated to work on the roommate relationship.

Getting to Know One Another

Getting to know a person who may be a complete stranger requires a plan and thoughtful consideration. We suggest starting with the basics. The more you know about each other, the easier it will be to share of yourself, and eventually become friends. Start by talking about things like: 
*family background and hometown
*your decision to attend Lafayette and what you hope to accomplish while at the college *your career aspirations
*your high school activities
*hobbies and interests, and taste in music

After learning about each other on this surface level, explore additional topics with your roommate. For instance, you may ask: 
*Is religion or spirituality important to you? 
*How do you feel about your possessions - are there items that I may or may not borrow? 
*Do you have any health problems that you would like for me to know about?
*Is it easy or difficult for you to make friends - why?
*What makes you happy, sad, upset?
*How do you handle stress?
*When do you prefer to be left alone?

These questions may sound a bit daunting right now, but you’ll see how quickly you and your roommate will come to know one another.

 Communication

One key to any successful relationship is communication. You should establish early in the semester how you will inform each other that things are not going well. You may choose to schedule a formal meeting once a week to discuss any “room business,” or you may decide to talk about issues as they arise. The important thing is to make these decisions about communication before problems occur. Respect, understanding, honesty, and a receptive attitude are all important in effective communication.

Roommate Agreements

Each roommate pair is required to complete a written agreement during the first week of classes. Roommate Agreements serve to establish certain “policies and practices” that will help you to maintain a positive living environment in your room. The Agreements cover areas such as: personal vs. community property, security, cleaning, sleeping patterns, study habits/locations, visitors, overnight guests, telephone usage, communication, etc. Discussing room rules is integral in developing a successful roommate relationship. Roommate pairs should review and update agreements on a regular basis as your habits and values will change as you settle into life at college.

When Conflict Arises

Even roommates who are good friends have occasional conflicts. When problems arise, you may wish to revisit some of the issues discussed when you drafted your Roommate Agreement. Clarification and frequent review can solve the problem. When talking about your differences, listen intently, be open to your roommate’s point of view, and share your feelings openly and honestly. Remember that specific feedback is more helpful than general complaints. Usually, this approach will help you and your roommate find common ground. If this does not work, however, you should contact your Resident Advisor.

Resident Advisors

Resident Advisors are student staff members trained to build a positive living environment in the residence halls. One of their many responsibilities is to work with roommates who are encountering difficulties in getting along. They will offer an objective perspective and facilitate a meaningful conversation between you and your roommate. You should feel free to contact your Resident Advisor at any time for more information about residence hall living, roommate relations, or Roommate Agreements.

Opportunities!

Please look on living with another individual for what it is - a wonderful opportunity for growth and development. In fact, your entire college experience will be filled with such opportunities too numerous to mention. The challenge is to recognize these situations when they arise and learn to take advantage of the possibilities!